Hardest Decision I have Made for the Day

I know it has been some time I didn't update my blog, and some of you may not know what's happening to me recently. I know, it's my fault again.

Well, before I talk about the previous stuffs, please allow me to talk about what I have experienced yesterday.

(For some of you that may not know, I'm working as a Personal Assistant(PA) and Research Assistant(RA) with a Professor in USM since the second week of May. )

Ok, start the story for yesterday which was related to my current job.

In the morning at 9am, when I was ready to depart from my house for work, I received the call from my Prof.. She had asked me a very serious question, and also the question that bother me a lot since the first few days I went for work.

She said, " I just want to double check with you, see whether you're still interested to work as my PA?" A very straight forward question, and also the question that has to be settle immediately, or else, it's going to be unfair to everyone who involve in this case, especially for her. It's hard and it takes time to train a newbie, it doesn't matter the person you train is a smart or stupid. If I said I'm interested at the moment, then after 1 or 2 months, I tell her I'm not interested anymore, this will be a very bad behavior and will leave a bad impression for others, and that's the things that I will definitely not doing, and also not brave enough to do it.

I told her that this is a very tough decision for me and I need some time to think over it.

Actually by that moment, my heart has a very strong feeling that "I'm no longer interested, I cannot continue doing the job anymore, I'm over stress and I deserve something better and easier." But on the other side, I will think "Will I regret in the future if I gave up this opportunity today?"

All the way from my house to USM, I kept struggling between this two decision. It's a very easy question, just YES or NO, why should I have thinking so much. Since I was so suffer, since I dislike the job so much, why don't I just tell them NO. But its very weird, my mouth couldn't come out with this word, "NO", although I have already got an answer in my heart.

When I reach the office, I discuss my problems with her PA that going to leave soon. I think she's the one who understand the most what's happening to me. She used more than an hour to explain to me, to consult me and to talk with me about what she had experienced in the previous years (It's the same as what I have now), what she had learned from the Prof., and etc. Even later when we have lunch together, I still cannot come out with the decision, and I kept asking her opinions about everything.

From morning until afternoon about 2pm, my NO feeling was always stronger than the YES feeling. Until we get back to the office, I sat down, and the Prof. ask me again, "So, Soon Han, what's your final decision?" I was ready to tell her "Sorry Dr., I think I'm not going to continue this job anymore."But, the weird thing happened again, I got no energy and voice to speak out that sentence. Then the Prof. thought that I still cannot come out with the decision, and she began to explain to me, what's my problem with the job, what's my personality, why am I struggling in making this decision.....

She's able to speak out all my feelings without being told by me. In the 1 month trial period, she's able to understand my characteristic through her observation, and through our conversation. The thing I amazed by her the most is, she asked me, "Are you worrying that you're not able to deliver the papers I assigned to you? If that's your only worry, then you don't have to worry about that, I can teach and guide you until you are able to catch up with everything."

Here's the turning point....

After listening to what she said, my mind has started to change from NO to YES. That's the thing, she's able to point out the exact worry I was facing (which myself also not very sure about it), and told me that she will help me to walk through it. She will train me to be tough and strong, and that's what I'm seeking ......the feeling is there. My feeling told me that this person is the one who can change my life...

Some of you might think that, she's just trying to comfort me because she need someone to help her immediately, and hope that by saying those words, I'm able to stay back to work with her. And after I say YES, she will treat me very badly or whatever......

But I trust her, I have a very strong feeling that I trust her...

I know it will be very stressful and difficult to work with her, everyone told me that, even Prof. herself said the same thing, but I believe that I'm able to walk through it...everyone please pray for me, pray for me to walk till the end, and not to give up in the middle.

I also believe that this is the path that God arranged for me, if not, why every time when I was trying to say NO, and I couldn't make it?! I know its too early to say all of these, but once I have made the decision, I will try my very best to walk through it, I really hope I can do it.

And I hope that my floating life is settling down from this point onwards.

Believe it or not, after saying YES, my burden has gone immediately, I can feel that my body became lighter right after the decision has made. (Though the actual weight still remain high la...haha)

We went to KL, Malacca to meet up with Bobo Siow and GinGin Siow last weekend...
It's a very fun trip, but everyone was so exhausted

震撼全北海的新闻·

每逢星期五，我都会有特别轻松的心情，因为周末即将来临，而累坏的我又可以好好的休息了。

为了让周末长一点，单纯的我，晚上就算再累，也不舍得上床睡觉。因为平时已经没时间做自己的事情了，也就只有周末，我才可以看一看连续剧、上网、MSN、收拾房间等等。

就在上个星期五晚上，当我在追着连续剧《珠光宝气》时，KooiSing 突然sms我，问我睡了吗! 我实在有够久没有和KooiSing联络了，她突然这样sms我，真的让我有点吓到。况且那时候的时间，已是凌晨12点多了。在这样的时间，一个很少联络的朋友突然问“你睡了吗”，不多也不少，就只有那一句。我心里就开始慌了，她应该不会有事吧！然后，就赶快回复她。。。

她告诉我，她刚刚经过Sg. Dua的Highway, 看到很大的火，以及很浓厚的黑烟，当地在发生着很严重的火灾！她知道我们家工厂就在火灾现场附近，所以才sms问我看看我们的厂有没有事。听到这个消息，我就连忙打电话给她，向她问清楚情况。

她说，火势真的很大，在很远很远已近可以看到了，怀疑是一家摆放煤气的工厂发生爆炸，然后导致火灾。。。

把电话挂掉以后，我就在想，应该不会有事啦，如果有事的话，工厂的人会打电话过来的。所以我就继续看我的连续剧。。。过了一下子，心里面还是觉得有点不安，根本无法集中在看戏。。。所以我就去向我的父母问一下看他们有没有收到什么消息。他们说已经有收到电话了，但并没有影响工厂，应该不会有什么事。这时我才有一点儿放心，因为至少他们已经收到消息，就算有什么事，他们应该都有心理准备去处理了吧。。。这时候应该有12.40am了，我也没什么心情继续看戏了，所以就乖乖的上床睡觉。

我猜这一宗火灾，隔天肯定是报纸的头条新闻！

果然不出我所料，真的是头条新闻：

光华日报- 煤气厂爆炸2死 另2人伤 毁41邻厂
http://www.kwongwah.com.my/news/2009/04/25/91.html

有关详情，可以阅读以上网址。

说真的，可能是因为发生在自己的地方吧，看到这件事，心里面的确有点难受。

为什么会有这样危险的意外呢？

为什么会有那么不负责任的人呢？

幸好这件事是发生在凌晨，而那边又全是工业区。。。想象一下，如果事情发生在9am-6pm之间，又或者，那儿附近是住宅区。。。那。。。会牺牲掉多少条人命啊？

太恐怖了。。。

Good and Bad

The weather in Penang was soso unpredictable recently...

Here are the pictures I took, while I was on my way to work....

20 April 2009, 7.15am

21 April 2009, 7.15am

What do you think?

The same time, but the weather was totally different.

No doubt, the weather on the 20th made me feel very energetic though I was very tired on the night before (We have the 70th birthday celebration with my grandma on 19th's night). That weather become more perfect with the rainbow appeared. I swear, I've never seen a rainbow in the middle of Penang's bridge before. Can you feel the excitement of mine? Once I saw that scene, I took out my hand phone and snap it down in picture immediately (not to forget I was driving on the bridge by that time).

I know seeing rainbow is a very normal scene, but for me, I will feel very excited every time when I see it. Let's me share another rainbow scene with you guys:

The double rainbow and a full rainbow I saw in HangZhou, China

This was a miracle for me...

double rainbow

full rainbow

Ok, let's get back to the weather in Penang.

On the next day morning, the bright and perfect scene has gone. Appeared in front of me was the dark sky and the 'heavy shower'. Though the dark sky made us feel depress, but, I kind of prefer rainy day in Malaysia. Because it could lower down the crazy temperature, and the feeling was just right (Not as cold as what I have in Michigan).

沉迷。。。

最近，发现了一样好玩的东西，也不应该叫好玩啦，但就让我很沉迷。。。每一次都玩到不知时间过，总觉得每一次都玩不够。。。所以每天都会花至少半至一小时的时间在那。

半至一小时对现在的我来说已经是很长的时间了。我每天早上6点起床，出门工作，放工回到家大概旁晚7点，吃一下晚饭、懒散一下，都已经晚上8.30 了！我每晚平均10点鈡上床睡觉！算一算，我好像每天只有一个半小时的时间，做我自己想做的事情。上一下网、check一下email、看一下Facebook、写一下BLOG，时间都过得七七八八了。

不止钱不够用，时间也不够用啊！！！

不过说真的，时间不够用也未尝不是一件坏事。为什么我这样说？因为你不会有多余的时间去花钱！
你有太多的时间，赚多少也不会够花；时间不够用，给你再多的钱，你也没有本事花！时间就是金钱--用时间来花钱，还是用时间来赚钱，就得看你自己怎样想咯！

Aiks....好啦好啦！不要再说一大堆道理了！每个人看了都快打瞌睡了！

回正题！

究竟我是在说什么好玩？

我是在说，Facebook 里边的心理测验游戏。它们不是一般的心理测验，而是一些简单又容易被理解的测验游戏！之前就一直看人家在玩，我都把那些人归类为“有空的人”，因为我觉得很无聊！（不是在指任何人哦，如有激怒任何一方，请多多见谅!）想不到现在，我也成了他们的一族！

它不单只是一个游戏啦，而我觉得。。。每一天那么疲累的回到家，玩一下这些测验，看看测验结果。。。真的有助于松弛我紧绷的思绪！因为有很多时候，都会有我意想不到的结果！

其实我要写的就只有那么短，谁知道刚刚把话题扯开了，就变成长篇扩论的"文章"了。

好了。。。到此为止。。。有空再续。。。

p/s: 我那累坏的眼睛没有办法再重读了，只好把检查的工作留到下次吧！肯定有很多错字，请多多包涵！

Decision

My Life is sosososo much Up & Down

in this special Moo Moo Year...

The 'volatility' make me feel so hard

to tell others... who actually I am

My feelings and emotions went up and down just like the share market nowadays

My thoughts and decisions change faster than the pace of the society

I'm so unpredictable

My mind struggle so hardly whenever it comes to the time for decision making

I have to walk through the 'opportunity cost'

Give up and make scarification

Walk till the end just with the decision that I used to exchange from another one

What a cycle of my life?

How many cycle do I have to go through for the rest of my life?

张惠妹-2009 STAR TOUR 大马演唱会

看到标题， 相信你也应该知道接下来我将会写什么吧！哈哈！

对！没错！我出席了张惠妹刚刚在马来西亚举办的演唱会！实在太棒了。。。真不愧我特地请假，故意搭巴士从北海去到吉隆坡，奔波劳累。。。就是为了她！

还记得， 6年前， 也就是2003年的11月。我的婶婶突然心血来潮，说要请我们去吉隆坡看”张惠妹2003年马来西亚演唱会”。那时候我的心情是—“就去凑凑热闹吧，反正我长那么大也没出席过演唱会，去体验一下也不错嘛！”就这样，就跟人走了！哈哈！

说老实的，对于张惠妹。。。一开始我真的对她没有特别的好感。 我认为她的唱歌风格并不适合我。认识我的人都知道，我一向以来都不爱听那些吵吵闹闹的歌曲，而我脑海里的张惠妹却偏偏只会唱这些歌，所以，我并不怎么去留意这个人。一提到说要去看她的演唱会，我也有犹豫了一下，不知道会不会很闷，毕竟我真的不是很认识她，更别说会唱她的歌！

2003年的那场演唱会，从没有好感，到接受她；从不认识她的歌，到每一次KTV都会点她的歌来唱。可想而知，那一场演唱会让我对她产生了多大的改变。可能那时候，我真的坐到很前面吧，她在现场所唱的每一首歌曲，都会从我的耳朵，再到我的身体，直到我的心里，打动了我！

我认识了她，张惠妹也会唱很多非常动听的抒情歌曲，她一开声，我的身体会有被“融化”的感觉（我不大会形容，不过我知道，每当我听到很好的歌，我都会有那种感觉）。听了很夸张吧？！哈哈哈！不过，那真是我亲身体验出来的。当然，全场她肯定不会只迁就我一个，单单唱抒情歌啦！劲歌热舞也是她的强项！试想想，我，一个不爱听快歌的人，竟然不知觉地投入进去，随着音乐摆动！不会唱也硬要跟着大家一起唱！不过被动的我并没有什么很大的动作啦，因为旁边的人也都在静静看表演嘛！过后我发现，其实她的快歌让我有放肆、放松的感觉！我可以拼命的喊，拼命的叫，感觉真的很好！而且，她的快歌并不是随便一个人都可以唱得好的，就像她的慢歌一样，少一点中气都不行！

好像有点离题了。。。哈哈哈！赶快飞回来6年后！

时间过得真快，已经6年了！问题是，我去KTV、听MP3，还是一样会点唱她的歌、听她的歌！为什么都唱不厌呢、听不厌呢？我个人觉得，可能是因为她的每一首歌都有一定的挑战性和它自己的特点吧！你今天唱得好，不代表你下一次也会有同样的水准！要练到好像张惠妹，对普通人来讲实在是非常困难！不过，只要你有本事把她的一首歌，完完整整的唱完，已经是很了不起了！不是吗？

2009的年头，听到广播台和电视台都在宣传这一个STAR TOUR演唱会，心里有痒痒的想要再去一次！有一天，朋友突然来电问我有没有兴趣出席这演唱会，我想都不用想就答应了！朋友还怀疑我，一直问我“真的吗？！”当然是真的啦！！

原本打算买最靠近的， 但所剩下的座位已近不大好了；所以决定买上面一层的！加上15%的折扣，一张票才RM202，真有够值的！

说真的，不知道是因为我工作太累，没时间想那么多，还是什么的。。。一路从北海到吉隆坡，直到进场的前一刻，我都没有特别兴奋的感觉，就很平常心！但一踏入Bukit Jalil Stadium, 我就开始感觉到那种气氛了，看见那庞大的舞台，加上人群、尖叫声、荧光棒、口哨声、纸牌等等。。。我开始期待阿妹的出现了！

现场分发的postcard

阿妹出台前，有一个短片。。。短片里有一只狮子，狮子和阿妹的脸一直交换出现，代表着什么呢？演唱会过后我也有问朋友—“为什么用狮子代表阿妹？”朋友说：“可能代表威猛、威严吧！”过两天看到网页才知道，原来她是狮子座的，然后用它为演唱会主题什么的。。。我也不太记得了。

当晚演唱会的相关报道可以从以下网址取得，我也没必要把整个过程写下，毕竟我的文笔也没有那些报导员好嘛！

光华日报

http://www.kwongwah.com.my/news/2009/03/21/53.html

星洲日报

http://ent.sinchew-i.com/node/12584

问我整个演唱会最喜欢的部分是哪一个？

还用说吗，当然是慢歌部分咯！阿妹唱的第一首慢歌《记得》，让我的眼泪，情不自禁的从眼角落了下来！可能这首歌给我的回忆太多了，再加上阿妹的用情，实在令我很失控！接下来还有几首抒情歌，如：《蓝天》、《真实》、《原来你什么都不想要》、《我要快乐》等，我都会一边跟着唱，一边掉泪！（不是狂掉泪啦，只是眼眶装满泪水而已）这种经验，我还真的是第一次。

还有一首歌，让我发自内心的震撼、崇拜、仰慕她的唱功，就是： 《如果你也听说》。。。再加上那突然变成满天星的舞台，真的是超漂亮，超有感觉！简直就是完美的搭配！

这一切还是要你亲身体验，才会明白到底我在说什么。

虽然这一次的阿妹看起来有点累，但表现依然是那么的出色！从一开始就一直努力的把现场每一个人带进她的歌曲里，让每个人都投入其中！

在最后一段的安歌部分，我也失控的站起来大唱及摇摆！好像我也在开演唱会一样！太不是我了！

这一次演唱会的观众，男女老少都有。坐在我旁边的正是一对母子，孩子看起来只是小学生，但他偶尔也会跟着大家一起唱阿妹的歌，不错嘛！当那小学生开口唱时，我有看到他母亲一脸惊讶的样子！说真的，我也有点吓到啦！

只可惜，坐在我们周围及前面的观众，看起来有点严肃及“成熟稳重”！好像都不爱大喊大叫、大动作！搞到我和朋友们都不敢乱来，怕会打扰到他们似的！反而坐在最高层的反应比较热烈，感觉比较热闹！就连阿妹也有察觉到，你说死不死？！哈哈！阿妹还说：“你们怎么那么客气啊？！想站就站起来啊！”

第一次和第二次完完全全是不一样的经历！我真的很期待第三次！

以上一切纯属个人意见。（我没有在刻意打广告哦！没钱收的！^_^）

我发现原来很多观众都把当天的演唱会，片段式的录了下来，一一上载在youtube! 只要你打“张惠妹-2009 STAR TOUR 大马演唱会”，一大把的搜寻结果将会显示在你面前！不相信当晚我们是从头尖叫到尾？不相信我们有那么的high？不相信我所说的？就去youtube感受一下吧！（不过看视频，怎样也比不上看现场！^_^）

In KL now

Well, my purposes for this KL trip were:

Interview with one of the recruit company
US Visa Application
Canada Visa Application
Look for opportunities in KL area

and of course, the foods which I'll never miss out whenever I visit KL.

I reached here on Tuesday evening. Let's see what I have completed for these 4 days:

Interview with one of the recruit company- completed, but didn't seems to be successful due to the job's scope and salary.

US Visa Application- In progress, as I'm still waiting for my payment for US Embassy to get through, so that I can make an appointment for interview....this is the most troublesome task which cause me to stay back in KL for another week.

Canada Visa Application- Completed, but...in the visa, under Passport No. column, they fill in my birthdate??!! Is that normal? error? or what? I have tried to call the immigration, but no one was answering my phone, so I also need to wait until next Monday, in order to get thing clear.

Look for opportunities in KL area - there are few vacancies suitable for me, but the only things I worry is How much pay will I get? Is it enough for me to cover my expenses in KL? And how should I explain to my family?

While for the foods, I don't eat so actively anymore like I previously did. There are a lot of reasons behind this, so, just don't talk about it here.

So, you should know what's the conclusion for this entry right?!

The answer is, Nothing was Properly Done.

p/s: I'm too lazy to write about my CNY and some other long stories entry, but I did post some photos and wrote the descriptions in my Facebook. It's like a "story telling photos". Hope you guys don't mind. Hahaha.

Caring...

Caring means what to you?
I know its hard to find an exact definition, even for myself.

Cares, can be express in different ways for different person, different condition, different relationship and etc.

In my family, we care each other in our hearts, and we will never express it out. I don't know why its so hard for us to care in action or in verbal. We know we love each other so much, but all this time, we were just supporting each other mentally, never, and never face-to-face. Sometimes I was so envy with those who can hugs and holds their parents so lovely.

I never think and never expect that there's a friend who will cry for me, just after reading the status on my Facebook. Not a very close friend, hardly meet up and also hardly talk with each other, and this was how she cares about me. I was so touch and sad when I heard she cried. I was touch because I never think that the words of mine would be so influential to others; I was sad because I never appreciate others who really cares about me. My dear friend, I would like to thank you so much for waking me up. I should have appreciate what I have now, take good care of myself and never let's others who care me get dissapointed. I will put in my heart and tell myself, there's always you at the far end, supporting and caring me all the time.