Like this or like that???

What should I do right now??

I really couldn’t stand you anymore. Since you have so many dissatisfactions to me, then why don’t you just tell you mother and brother, ask them to make me disappear in front of you.

Why should I stay there, why should I be so patient with you, why should I be so cheap?!!

I’m human also, not that you’re my auntie then I should let you do anything which you think is right. Do you know I seriously very hate you!

Right now, I don’t feel like talking with you; I don’t want to listen to you voice, even you’re not talking with me; I don’t want to listen to your footsteps; I don’t like to see you!!! And I hate you so much!

I know I should forgive people’s fault, just as what God teach us! Forgive means happiness! I know!!! But I just don’t know how to forgive you; you are the alien that I couldn’t accept you!

Almost half a year, how much tears did I dropped just because of you?!!! Why should my tears drop because of you?! Even when I was in US, staying alone, very sad, very depress, I also won’t drop as much tears as I have in this six months.

Why!!!Why!!!Why!!!

If it’s not because of my dad, for sure I had leaved this hell place few months ago! I give face to my dad, be patient to you, stand you, and at the end, what did I get? Just a word, non-appreciation!

As I mentioned before, no one appreciate your hard work! In you all opinion, sitting in the office for a long time, everyday OT until 8.30pm, working in public holiday, is the sign of hard work. If I was not assigned a work, should I sit in the office until 8.30pm? If I sit in the office online and play games from 9am to 8.30pm, is that means that I’m very hard working??????

Who trained me as a lazy bug in the office? And at the end who blamed me, why I’m so lazy? Nothing to do is consider lazy, and who is the person who as my leader, didn’t assign a work for me.

Interested of knowing how I pass the day like this?

The worse ‘nothing –to-do’ day! In the morning I get into the office, switch on my computer, then go to have my breakfast. After breakfast, sit in front of my computer, read CNN news, check emails, friendster, facebook, net surfing, and online shopping. After tired of reading the computer, straight away take a nap on my working table, after napping, wake up again, looking at the computer again, until 6pm.

Some of you might think this is a very good life, why don’t I appreciate that?! Try to stand on my side and think, if you were me, is this the day that you want for the rest of your life?

The more I have this kind of life, the more I was de-motivated. My enthusiasm to work had lost just because of this place.I really need a place that can motivate me, I need to achieve my goal, I need to be proud of myself, I want to be the most confident person in this world. Where’s the image that I create for myself? Where’s my dream? Where’s my future?

I want to get rid of this kind of working life! Not even have a feeling that I was working, even though I was wearing a formal wear to work everyday, still couldn’t create this feeling for myself.

How should I explain my feeling to my parents and grandmother? At least if my parents understand me, I will be very glad and satisfied. But the problem is, I don’t even know who is supporting me to make the leaving decision.

I have a very traditional Chinese thought’s family. To continue this kind of life, or to get to a new life, it’s all depends on how powerful am I to change their mind~!!!

Arrrrggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!