因为我喜欢你，所以我一天不和你聊就心发蒙、总觉得你在干些什么不好的事情，只要一静下来就止不住的想象你究竟贵干。
因为我喜欢你，所以只要是关于你的信息我都去耐心了解，不管是好的还是坏的。
因为我喜欢你，所以我有困难时总是第一个想起你的依靠，想着有你在身边就好了。
因为我喜欢你，所以我时常看着手机屏幕，看你会不会发信息来。
因为我喜欢你，所以我总是神经大条的过着每天的生活，有时候无缘无故的一个人在傻笑，外人以为我休垢了，其实我只是回忆起我们过去的美好。
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
我很想...可是我不可以
很想说出来,可是就是找不到管道...最后就让我想起了这里...一个被我忽略已久的地方...
最近心情都超差的,也不知道是为了什么,感觉就很暴燥...就快把身边的每一个人给开罪了
我一直以为自己控制情绪的功夫,已经有一定的水准了...可是当压迫感来到的时候,我还是控制不了自己... 虽然没说出口,但脸上已经写着"请离我远一点,不要来打扰我"...
回到家,夜深人静的时候,心情开始平伏了,就会开始觉得内疚... 一直告诉自己"人家并没有欠你,没有必要承受你这种坏脾气... 不出声是迁就你,尊敬你; 如果要骂你,那也是应该的".
道理有谁不懂? 每个人都懂...只是当事情发生时,同样的道理会不会被运用到,那又是另外一回事了.
人啊,就爱追求一些得不到的东西~! 好好跟在身边的,我们都不怎么想去理会它,有时还嫌它烦呢! 为什么呢? 因为我们就是看死它不会离开我们,无论我们对它再差再坏,它都会乖乖的留在我们身边... 可是当有一天,它真的心死,离开了我们,找到了它另外一个幸福,我们就会开始后悔当初所做的一切... 这时候,我只能说自己"活该"!
我真的很想,可是我不可以... 往前走了一步,害怕,又往后退了两步... 跟你的距离就因此越拉越远...
心里很多想法,想要跟你怎样..怎样....,但没有一个是做得的到...眼睁睁看着每一个时机从我的手中白白的流失,真的是一件很残忍的事...
我很害怕...很想靠近你,可是又怕失去你... 你还真的很厉害,什么都不用做,就可以把我的心掌控着...
天啊!给我一条明路,让我知道我的路该怎么走吧~!
最近心情都超差的,也不知道是为了什么,感觉就很暴燥...就快把身边的每一个人给开罪了
我一直以为自己控制情绪的功夫,已经有一定的水准了...可是当压迫感来到的时候,我还是控制不了自己... 虽然没说出口,但脸上已经写着"请离我远一点,不要来打扰我"...
回到家,夜深人静的时候,心情开始平伏了,就会开始觉得内疚... 一直告诉自己"人家并没有欠你,没有必要承受你这种坏脾气... 不出声是迁就你,尊敬你; 如果要骂你,那也是应该的".
道理有谁不懂? 每个人都懂...只是当事情发生时,同样的道理会不会被运用到,那又是另外一回事了.
人啊,就爱追求一些得不到的东西~! 好好跟在身边的,我们都不怎么想去理会它,有时还嫌它烦呢! 为什么呢? 因为我们就是看死它不会离开我们,无论我们对它再差再坏,它都会乖乖的留在我们身边... 可是当有一天,它真的心死,离开了我们,找到了它另外一个幸福,我们就会开始后悔当初所做的一切... 这时候,我只能说自己"活该"!
我真的很想,可是我不可以... 往前走了一步,害怕,又往后退了两步... 跟你的距离就因此越拉越远...
心里很多想法,想要跟你怎样..怎样....,但没有一个是做得的到...眼睁睁看着每一个时机从我的手中白白的流失,真的是一件很残忍的事...
我很害怕...很想靠近你,可是又怕失去你... 你还真的很厉害,什么都不用做,就可以把我的心掌控着...
天啊!给我一条明路,让我知道我的路该怎么走吧~!
Friday, June 5, 2009
Hardest Decision I have Made for the Day
I know it has been some time I didn't update my blog, and some of you may not know what's happening to me recently. I know, it's my fault again.
Well, before I talk about the previous stuffs, please allow me to talk about what I have experienced yesterday.
(For some of you that may not know, I'm working as a Personal Assistant(PA) and Research Assistant(RA) with a Professor in USM since the second week of May. )
Ok, start the story for yesterday which was related to my current job.
In the morning at 9am, when I was ready to depart from my house for work, I received the call from my Prof.. She had asked me a very serious question, and also the question that bother me a lot since the first few days I went for work.
She said, " I just want to double check with you, see whether you're still interested to work as my PA?" A very straight forward question, and also the question that has to be settle immediately, or else, it's going to be unfair to everyone who involve in this case, especially for her. It's hard and it takes time to train a newbie, it doesn't matter the person you train is a smart or stupid. If I said I'm interested at the moment, then after 1 or 2 months, I tell her I'm not interested anymore, this will be a very bad behavior and will leave a bad impression for others, and that's the things that I will definitely not doing, and also not brave enough to do it.
I told her that this is a very tough decision for me and I need some time to think over it.
Actually by that moment, my heart has a very strong feeling that "I'm no longer interested, I cannot continue doing the job anymore, I'm over stress and I deserve something better and easier." But on the other side, I will think "Will I regret in the future if I gave up this opportunity today?"
All the way from my house to USM, I kept struggling between this two decision. It's a very easy question, just YES or NO, why should I have thinking so much. Since I was so suffer, since I dislike the job so much, why don't I just tell them NO. But its very weird, my mouth couldn't come out with this word, "NO", although I have already got an answer in my heart.
When I reach the office, I discuss my problems with her PA that going to leave soon. I think she's the one who understand the most what's happening to me. She used more than an hour to explain to me, to consult me and to talk with me about what she had experienced in the previous years (It's the same as what I have now), what she had learned from the Prof., and etc. Even later when we have lunch together, I still cannot come out with the decision, and I kept asking her opinions about everything.
From morning until afternoon about 2pm, my NO feeling was always stronger than the YES feeling. Until we get back to the office, I sat down, and the Prof. ask me again, "So, Soon Han, what's your final decision?" I was ready to tell her "Sorry Dr., I think I'm not going to continue this job anymore."But, the weird thing happened again, I got no energy and voice to speak out that sentence. Then the Prof. thought that I still cannot come out with the decision, and she began to explain to me, what's my problem with the job, what's my personality, why am I struggling in making this decision.....
She's able to speak out all my feelings without being told by me. In the 1 month trial period, she's able to understand my characteristic through her observation, and through our conversation. The thing I amazed by her the most is, she asked me, "Are you worrying that you're not able to deliver the papers I assigned to you? If that's your only worry, then you don't have to worry about that, I can teach and guide you until you are able to catch up with everything."
Here's the turning point....
After listening to what she said, my mind has started to change from NO to YES. That's the thing, she's able to point out the exact worry I was facing (which myself also not very sure about it), and told me that she will help me to walk through it. She will train me to be tough and strong, and that's what I'm seeking ......the feeling is there. My feeling told me that this person is the one who can change my life...
Some of you might think that, she's just trying to comfort me because she need someone to help her immediately, and hope that by saying those words, I'm able to stay back to work with her. And after I say YES, she will treat me very badly or whatever......
But I trust her, I have a very strong feeling that I trust her...
I know it will be very stressful and difficult to work with her, everyone told me that, even Prof. herself said the same thing, but I believe that I'm able to walk through it...everyone please pray for me, pray for me to walk till the end, and not to give up in the middle.
I also believe that this is the path that God arranged for me, if not, why every time when I was trying to say NO, and I couldn't make it?! I know its too early to say all of these, but once I have made the decision, I will try my very best to walk through it, I really hope I can do it.
And I hope that my floating life is settling down from this point onwards.
Believe it or not, after saying YES, my burden has gone immediately, I can feel that my body became lighter right after the decision has made. (Though the actual weight still remain high la...haha)
We went to KL, Malacca to meet up with Bobo Siow and GinGin Siow last weekend...
It's a very fun trip, but everyone was so exhausted
Well, before I talk about the previous stuffs, please allow me to talk about what I have experienced yesterday.
(For some of you that may not know, I'm working as a Personal Assistant(PA) and Research Assistant(RA) with a Professor in USM since the second week of May. )
Ok, start the story for yesterday which was related to my current job.
In the morning at 9am, when I was ready to depart from my house for work, I received the call from my Prof.. She had asked me a very serious question, and also the question that bother me a lot since the first few days I went for work.
She said, " I just want to double check with you, see whether you're still interested to work as my PA?" A very straight forward question, and also the question that has to be settle immediately, or else, it's going to be unfair to everyone who involve in this case, especially for her. It's hard and it takes time to train a newbie, it doesn't matter the person you train is a smart or stupid. If I said I'm interested at the moment, then after 1 or 2 months, I tell her I'm not interested anymore, this will be a very bad behavior and will leave a bad impression for others, and that's the things that I will definitely not doing, and also not brave enough to do it.
I told her that this is a very tough decision for me and I need some time to think over it.
Actually by that moment, my heart has a very strong feeling that "I'm no longer interested, I cannot continue doing the job anymore, I'm over stress and I deserve something better and easier." But on the other side, I will think "Will I regret in the future if I gave up this opportunity today?"
All the way from my house to USM, I kept struggling between this two decision. It's a very easy question, just YES or NO, why should I have thinking so much. Since I was so suffer, since I dislike the job so much, why don't I just tell them NO. But its very weird, my mouth couldn't come out with this word, "NO", although I have already got an answer in my heart.
When I reach the office, I discuss my problems with her PA that going to leave soon. I think she's the one who understand the most what's happening to me. She used more than an hour to explain to me, to consult me and to talk with me about what she had experienced in the previous years (It's the same as what I have now), what she had learned from the Prof., and etc. Even later when we have lunch together, I still cannot come out with the decision, and I kept asking her opinions about everything.
From morning until afternoon about 2pm, my NO feeling was always stronger than the YES feeling. Until we get back to the office, I sat down, and the Prof. ask me again, "So, Soon Han, what's your final decision?" I was ready to tell her "Sorry Dr., I think I'm not going to continue this job anymore."But, the weird thing happened again, I got no energy and voice to speak out that sentence. Then the Prof. thought that I still cannot come out with the decision, and she began to explain to me, what's my problem with the job, what's my personality, why am I struggling in making this decision.....
She's able to speak out all my feelings without being told by me. In the 1 month trial period, she's able to understand my characteristic through her observation, and through our conversation. The thing I amazed by her the most is, she asked me, "Are you worrying that you're not able to deliver the papers I assigned to you? If that's your only worry, then you don't have to worry about that, I can teach and guide you until you are able to catch up with everything."
Here's the turning point....
After listening to what she said, my mind has started to change from NO to YES. That's the thing, she's able to point out the exact worry I was facing (which myself also not very sure about it), and told me that she will help me to walk through it. She will train me to be tough and strong, and that's what I'm seeking ......the feeling is there. My feeling told me that this person is the one who can change my life...
Some of you might think that, she's just trying to comfort me because she need someone to help her immediately, and hope that by saying those words, I'm able to stay back to work with her. And after I say YES, she will treat me very badly or whatever......
But I trust her, I have a very strong feeling that I trust her...
I know it will be very stressful and difficult to work with her, everyone told me that, even Prof. herself said the same thing, but I believe that I'm able to walk through it...everyone please pray for me, pray for me to walk till the end, and not to give up in the middle.
I also believe that this is the path that God arranged for me, if not, why every time when I was trying to say NO, and I couldn't make it?! I know its too early to say all of these, but once I have made the decision, I will try my very best to walk through it, I really hope I can do it.
And I hope that my floating life is settling down from this point onwards.
Believe it or not, after saying YES, my burden has gone immediately, I can feel that my body became lighter right after the decision has made. (Though the actual weight still remain high la...haha)
We went to KL, Malacca to meet up with Bobo Siow and GinGin Siow last weekend...
It's a very fun trip, but everyone was so exhausted
Sunday, April 26, 2009
震撼全北海的新闻·
每逢星期五，我都会有特别轻松的心情，因为周末即将来临，而累坏的我又可以好好的休息了。
为了让周末长一点，单纯的我，晚上就算再累，也不舍得上床睡觉。因为平时已经没时间做自己的事情了，也就只有周末，我才可以看一看连续剧、上网、MSN、收拾房间等等。
就在上个星期五晚上，当我在追着连续剧《珠光宝气》时，KooiSing 突然sms我，问我睡了吗! 我实在有够久没有和KooiSing联络了，她突然这样sms我，真的让我有点吓到。况且那时候的时间，已是凌晨12点多了。在这样的时间，一个很少联络的朋友突然问“你睡了吗”，不多也不少，就只有那一句。我心里就开始慌了，她应该不会有事吧！然后，就赶快回复她。。。
她告诉我，她刚刚经过Sg. Dua的Highway, 看到很大的火，以及很浓厚的黑烟，当地在发生着很严重的火灾！她知道我们家工厂就在火灾现场附近，所以才sms问我看看我们的厂有没有事。听到这个消息，我就连忙打电话给她，向她问清楚情况。
她说，火势真的很大，在很远很远已近可以看到了，怀疑是一家摆放煤气的工厂发生爆炸，然后导致火灾。。。
把电话挂掉以后，我就在想，应该不会有事啦，如果有事的话，工厂的人会打电话过来的。所以我就继续看我的连续剧。。。过了一下子，心里面还是觉得有点不安，根本无法集中在看戏。。。所以我就去向我的父母问一下看他们有没有收到什么消息。他们说已经有收到电话了，但并没有影响工厂，应该不会有什么事。这时我才有一点儿放心，因为至少他们已经收到消息，就算有什么事，他们应该都有心理准备去处理了吧。。。这时候应该有12.40am了，我也没什么心情继续看戏了，所以就乖乖的上床睡觉。
我猜这一宗火灾，隔天肯定是报纸的头条新闻！
果然不出我所料，真的是头条新闻：
光华日报- 煤气厂爆炸2死 另2人伤 毁41邻厂
http://www.kwongwah.com.my/news/2009/04/25/91.html
有关详情，可以阅读以上网址。
说真的，可能是因为发生在自己的地方吧，看到这件事，心里面的确有点难受。
为什么会有这样危险的意外呢？
为什么会有那么不负责任的人呢？
幸好这件事是发生在凌晨，而那边又全是工业区。。。想象一下，如果事情发生在9am-6pm之间，又或者，那儿附近是住宅区。。。那。。。会牺牲掉多少条人命啊？
太恐怖了。。。
为了让周末长一点，单纯的我，晚上就算再累，也不舍得上床睡觉。因为平时已经没时间做自己的事情了，也就只有周末，我才可以看一看连续剧、上网、MSN、收拾房间等等。
就在上个星期五晚上，当我在追着连续剧《珠光宝气》时，KooiSing 突然sms我，问我睡了吗! 我实在有够久没有和KooiSing联络了，她突然这样sms我，真的让我有点吓到。况且那时候的时间，已是凌晨12点多了。在这样的时间，一个很少联络的朋友突然问“你睡了吗”，不多也不少，就只有那一句。我心里就开始慌了，她应该不会有事吧！然后，就赶快回复她。。。
她告诉我，她刚刚经过Sg. Dua的Highway, 看到很大的火，以及很浓厚的黑烟，当地在发生着很严重的火灾！她知道我们家工厂就在火灾现场附近，所以才sms问我看看我们的厂有没有事。听到这个消息，我就连忙打电话给她，向她问清楚情况。
她说，火势真的很大，在很远很远已近可以看到了，怀疑是一家摆放煤气的工厂发生爆炸，然后导致火灾。。。
把电话挂掉以后，我就在想，应该不会有事啦，如果有事的话，工厂的人会打电话过来的。所以我就继续看我的连续剧。。。过了一下子，心里面还是觉得有点不安，根本无法集中在看戏。。。所以我就去向我的父母问一下看他们有没有收到什么消息。他们说已经有收到电话了，但并没有影响工厂，应该不会有什么事。这时我才有一点儿放心，因为至少他们已经收到消息，就算有什么事，他们应该都有心理准备去处理了吧。。。这时候应该有12.40am了，我也没什么心情继续看戏了，所以就乖乖的上床睡觉。
我猜这一宗火灾，隔天肯定是报纸的头条新闻！
果然不出我所料，真的是头条新闻：
光华日报- 煤气厂爆炸2死 另2人伤 毁41邻厂
http://www.kwongwah.com.my/news/2009/04/25/91.html
有关详情，可以阅读以上网址。
说真的，可能是因为发生在自己的地方吧，看到这件事，心里面的确有点难受。
为什么会有这样危险的意外呢？
为什么会有那么不负责任的人呢？
幸好这件事是发生在凌晨，而那边又全是工业区。。。想象一下，如果事情发生在9am-6pm之间，又或者，那儿附近是住宅区。。。那。。。会牺牲掉多少条人命啊？
太恐怖了。。。
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Good and Bad
The weather in Penang was soso unpredictable recently...
Here are the pictures I took, while I was on my way to work....
20 April 2009, 7.15am
21 April 2009, 7.15am
Here are the pictures I took, while I was on my way to work....
20 April 2009, 7.15am
21 April 2009, 7.15amWhat do you think?
The same time, but the weather was totally different.
No doubt, the weather on the 20th made me feel very energetic though I was very tired on the night before (We have the 70th birthday celebration with my grandma on 19th's night). That weather become more perfect with the rainbow appeared. I swear, I've never seen a rainbow in the middle of Penang's bridge before. Can you feel the excitement of mine? Once I saw that scene, I took out my hand phone and snap it down in picture immediately (not to forget I was driving on the bridge by that time).
I know seeing rainbow is a very normal scene, but for me, I will feel very excited every time when I see it. Let's me share another rainbow scene with you guys:
The double rainbow and a full rainbow I saw in HangZhou, China
This was a miracle for me...
double rainbow
full rainbow
Ok, let's get back to the weather in Penang.
On the next day morning, the bright and perfect scene has gone. Appeared in front of me was the dark sky and the 'heavy shower'. Though the dark sky made us feel depress, but, I kind of prefer rainy day in Malaysia. Because it could lower down the crazy temperature, and the feeling was just right (Not as cold as what I have in Michigan).
The same time, but the weather was totally different.
No doubt, the weather on the 20th made me feel very energetic though I was very tired on the night before (We have the 70th birthday celebration with my grandma on 19th's night). That weather become more perfect with the rainbow appeared. I swear, I've never seen a rainbow in the middle of Penang's bridge before. Can you feel the excitement of mine? Once I saw that scene, I took out my hand phone and snap it down in picture immediately (not to forget I was driving on the bridge by that time).
I know seeing rainbow is a very normal scene, but for me, I will feel very excited every time when I see it. Let's me share another rainbow scene with you guys:
The double rainbow and a full rainbow I saw in HangZhou, China
This was a miracle for me...
double rainbow
full rainbowOk, let's get back to the weather in Penang.
On the next day morning, the bright and perfect scene has gone. Appeared in front of me was the dark sky and the 'heavy shower'. Though the dark sky made us feel depress, but, I kind of prefer rainy day in Malaysia. Because it could lower down the crazy temperature, and the feeling was just right (Not as cold as what I have in Michigan).
Monday, April 13, 2009
沉迷。。。
最近，发现了一样好玩的东西，也不应该叫好玩啦，但就让我很沉迷。。。每一次都玩到不知时间过，总觉得每一次都玩不够。。。所以每天都会花至少半至一小时的时间在那。
半至一小时对现在的我来说已经是很长的时间了。我每天早上6点起床，出门工作，放工回到家大概旁晚7点，吃一下晚饭、懒散一下，都已经晚上8.30 了！我每晚平均10点鈡上床睡觉！算一算，我好像每天只有一个半小时的时间，做我自己想做的事情。上一下网、check一下email、看一下Facebook、写一下BLOG，时间都过得七七八八了。
不止钱不够用，时间也不够用啊！！！
不过说真的，时间不够用也未尝不是一件坏事。为什么我这样说？因为你不会有多余的时间去花钱！
你有太多的时间，赚多少也不会够花；时间不够用，给你再多的钱，你也没有本事花！时间就是金钱--用时间来花钱，还是用时间来赚钱，就得看你自己怎样想咯！
Aiks....好啦好啦！不要再说一大堆道理了！每个人看了都快打瞌睡了！
回正题！
究竟我是在说什么好玩？
我是在说，Facebook 里边的心理测验游戏。它们不是一般的心理测验，而是一些简单又容易被理解的测验游戏！之前就一直看人家在玩，我都把那些人归类为“有空的人”，因为我觉得很无聊！（不是在指任何人哦，如有激怒任何一方，请多多见谅!）想不到现在，我也成了他们的一族！
它不单只是一个游戏啦，而我觉得。。。每一天那么疲累的回到家，玩一下这些测验，看看测验结果。。。真的有助于松弛我紧绷的思绪！因为有很多时候，都会有我意想不到的结果！
其实我要写的就只有那么短，谁知道刚刚把话题扯开了，就变成长篇扩论的"文章"了。
好了。。。到此为止。。。有空再续。。。
p/s: 我那累坏的眼睛没有办法再重读了，只好把检查的工作留到下次吧！肯定有很多错字，请多多包涵！
半至一小时对现在的我来说已经是很长的时间了。我每天早上6点起床，出门工作，放工回到家大概旁晚7点，吃一下晚饭、懒散一下，都已经晚上8.30 了！我每晚平均10点鈡上床睡觉！算一算，我好像每天只有一个半小时的时间，做我自己想做的事情。上一下网、check一下email、看一下Facebook、写一下BLOG，时间都过得七七八八了。
不止钱不够用，时间也不够用啊！！！
不过说真的，时间不够用也未尝不是一件坏事。为什么我这样说？因为你不会有多余的时间去花钱！
你有太多的时间，赚多少也不会够花；时间不够用，给你再多的钱，你也没有本事花！时间就是金钱--用时间来花钱，还是用时间来赚钱，就得看你自己怎样想咯！
Aiks....好啦好啦！不要再说一大堆道理了！每个人看了都快打瞌睡了！
回正题！
究竟我是在说什么好玩？
我是在说，Facebook 里边的心理测验游戏。它们不是一般的心理测验，而是一些简单又容易被理解的测验游戏！之前就一直看人家在玩，我都把那些人归类为“有空的人”，因为我觉得很无聊！（不是在指任何人哦，如有激怒任何一方，请多多见谅!）想不到现在，我也成了他们的一族！
它不单只是一个游戏啦，而我觉得。。。每一天那么疲累的回到家，玩一下这些测验，看看测验结果。。。真的有助于松弛我紧绷的思绪！因为有很多时候，都会有我意想不到的结果！
其实我要写的就只有那么短，谁知道刚刚把话题扯开了，就变成长篇扩论的"文章"了。
好了。。。到此为止。。。有空再续。。。
p/s: 我那累坏的眼睛没有办法再重读了，只好把检查的工作留到下次吧！肯定有很多错字，请多多包涵！
Monday, April 6, 2009
Decision
My Life is sosososo much Up & Down
in this special Moo Moo Year...
The 'volatility' make me feel so hard
to tell others... who actually I am
My feelings and emotions went up and down just like the share market nowadays
My thoughts and decisions change faster than the pace of the society
I'm so unpredictable
My mind struggle so hardly whenever it comes to the time for decision making
I have to walk through the 'opportunity cost'
Give up and make scarification
Walk till the end just with the decision that I used to exchange from another one
What a cycle of my life?
How many cycle do I have to go through for the rest of my life?
in this special Moo Moo Year...
The 'volatility' make me feel so hard
to tell others... who actually I am
My feelings and emotions went up and down just like the share market nowadays
My thoughts and decisions change faster than the pace of the society
I'm so unpredictable
My mind struggle so hardly whenever it comes to the time for decision making
I have to walk through the 'opportunity cost'
Give up and make scarification
Walk till the end just with the decision that I used to exchange from another one
What a cycle of my life?
How many cycle do I have to go through for the rest of my life?
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